03/05/00 melody maker

shorn rider!

(c) melody maker - picture by andrew carruththe animalhouse

underworld, london ***(out of 5)

he used to be such a whimpering sap, hiding behind a thick curtain of hair, a pre-damon/liam indie sex symbol when any winsome waif could dampen a girl's knickers. he's mark gardener, ex-singer with clueless shoegazers ride (one good song: "taste"), and now, 10 years too late, he's decided he wants to be a pop star.

thing is, that might pose a problem - now that he's more of a granny magnet than a fanny magnet. not only has the hair gone, but so has the once formidable pout which, in days of full-lipped yore, could've snogged the arse off a hippo.

but it's this very swan-duckling reverse metamorphosis that allows mark to ditch the old gorgeous-but-aloof persona and become the posing, smirking, filthily (rather than blandly) sexy focus of the animalhouse. he's a born-again rock god.

if he's challenged in this role, it's not by co-vocalist sam, but by the freakishly attractive hari. legs twice the length of the bass she plays, the oddball offspring of a dangerous liaison between alice nutter and a particularly loose giraffe, she - like mat osman - turns inelegance into an art form. lanky, but lovely.

they sound as engagingly absurd as they look. "small" you probably already know as "that gay dad one". not that it isn't a preposterously dizzy cosmic romp-along which = like "wasted and "spacetrash" - is spiked with a frothy dash of supergrass boogie. the predatory stomp of "animalhouse" is as menacingly, cartoonishly stoopid as suede's "elephant man" - jason's keyboard producing the sort of whoo-whoo noises that a ghost on "scooby doo" would make. similarly, "animal" - not, fortunately, a cover of the def leppard song and not, unfortunately, a tribute to the psychotic "muppets" drummer  - employs a synth-riff that nasa should use in their search for alien life.

but it's not all animal magic. beneath the strutting futurism lurk nasty, muso, one-solo-too-many dadrockisms (though, sure, we're talking about the sort of dad who thinks he's ziggy stardust and paints his arse purple). nothing except "small" suggests the animalhouse are going to get more than a quick grope of chart success. and as for those who think mark is in a better band than his fellow ex-rider andy bell, if the animalhouse ever release a single as awesome as "go let it out" i hereby pledge that i'll disembowel myself.

so, they're certainly animals. they're probably furry. but are they super? not quite. not yet.

daniel booth

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